My Year in Blogging (2014 version)

As we usher out the year of the Horse and wait expectantly for the year of the Goat, both of which have me hankering for the #16 combination (Orange Chicken, Fried Rice, Egg Roll), let’s take a look back to see how I wasted my time (and yours) this year on Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please.

The Post I Regret Writing (2014): Finger Lickin’ Con Because, eh, it’s just not very funny. If you’re a sadist (and because I’m a masochist), here are the previous year’s entries in this category: from 2013 we have eHarmony for the Stars, which was a really good idea in my head, but unfortunately didn’t not come out on the page very well. From 2012 we have the infamous In Praise of Dating Your Dad. I still think that one’s funny, but I’m kind of a jerk.

The Sort of Post I Will Keep Writing Until Someone, Somewhere Likes It: Sex The Americans Style This post was all about doggy style sex and a little bit about the television show the Americans. Yes! I actually wrote a post about that topic! And I will again!

The Post I Like A Lot (But No One Else Did): Where Funny And Sexy Intersect I lie awake at night wishing I’d thought up the line that I stole as the title for this post.

The Post A Lot of People Liked, Inexplicably: Ten Things I Learned About Writing Humor I also learned that people like posts with numbers in them, for some reason.

The Post That Would Land Me in A Re-education Camp in North Korea: One More Reason Why I Have No Followers Because I imagine Kim Jong Un is opposed to anal sex, as well as Cheez Its.

The Post That Got People Talking: Are People Who Comment on the Internet Crazy? Yes, they are. So what does that say about all the people who commented on this post?

The Post That Got People LookingFewer Sexual Partners. Bigger Weddings. Happier Marriages? The most viewed post of the year, it got 318 eyeballs on it. You think people come to this blog to read about the sexy sex, but it turns out they’re more interested in chastity and matrimony.

Yeah, I’m as bewildered by it all as you.

Happy New Year to all my blogging friends and all the random weirdos who stumble upon

 Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please.

 

Golden 2015 Happy New Year Greeting Card With Sparking Spot Ligh

You can catch the season premiere of The Americans January 28, 2015 on FX.

One More Reason Why I Have No Followers

Lately, I’ve been witnessing a disturbing trend among bloggers: they’re writing what people want to read.

You can see it here on Lara Chase’s blog in the post, “So Are You Still Writing or What?” where she explains why she’s writing what she’s writing about:

When I started this blog I mostly wrote about the craft of writing, and some tips about the publishing market. For the last several months I’ve had posts on fall pilots, cooking, how to button tuft a couch, exercise, etc. Occasionally, this has led to someone asking me, “Hey, what’s the deal?”

In case you didn’t read the articles and statistics that lead up to the switch (according to my blog stats, few of you did), I realized that no one but other aspiring authors care about dialogue and how to write a convincing antagonist. So, I started writing blog posts about other things that interested me: food, home décor, TV, and whatever else I thought others might find informative. Turns out, you guys seem to find these topics more interesting as well.

cheezit-logo(Lara’s post is awesome for another reason: go over and look at how she’s organized her work space for writing.  I’m absolutely ashamed and humiliated that I write at my dining room table, hunched over my lap top eating Cheez-its® while my husband, children and two cats mill around me).

And then I saw it again, over on Musical Wishes Blog, where the blogger came right out and asked readers to vote (there’s a poll!) on what they wanted to read next.  Head on over and vote!  I voted for The Closeted Bisexual because I’m a Democrat and couldn’t vote for Rick Santorum in the Republican primary.

I’m about a year and a half late with that Rick Santorum joke, aren’t I?  Or maybe I’m a year and a half early.

Anyway, I’m not sure how I feel about the audience dictating the subject matter of my posts.  I mean, why should I write what they want to read?  That would be like feeding my kids just because they’re hungry, or paying my mortgage just because it’s due.

So if I’m not going to take cues from my readers, how do I come up with topics to blog about?  Usually, I get some ridiculous moronic idea for a post and then proceed to have an inner dialogue with myself.

Oh, and you bought me lube!  How thoughtful!

After I blow out the candles, let’s have anal sex.

Me: Maybe I should write a post about anal sex.

My Inner Voice:  Are you crazy? What’s wrong with you?  No one wants to read about anal sex!  Why do you think of these things?

Me: Well, it could be funny.  I could tell that story about how I got drunk on my birthday that one year and decided that would be the night I would try to have anal sex with my husband. That was pretty funny.

My Inner Voice:  That story isn’t funny! It’s embarrassing!  There really is something wrong with you!

And because whenever I hear that little voice in my head telling me “No! No! No!” I absolutely must do whatever it’s warning me against, you can expect a post on anal sex from me in the near future, whether you want to read it or not.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.  The Cheez-It® logo is from the Kellogg Company web site and is believed to comply with fair or acceptable use principles established in U.S. and international copyright law.