Is This Blog Even About Sex Anymore? Why, Yes. Yes It Is.

Blah, blah, blah, blog!

Blah, blah, blah, blog!

Perhaps you, like  many some a few  other readers of Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please, have been scratching your head and asking the question, “Is this blog even about sex anymore?”

Because this blog is supposed to be about sex, at least a little. The tagline promises Humor and Sex. See? Right there, up near the title. And before you start complaining that I really haven’t been delivering on the humor end of the deal, either, let me just say I’m tackling one problem at a time.

I’ll admit that lately I haven’t written much about sex. Instead, I’ve been writing about Twitter (you thought that post was about being in a book club, didn’t you?), texting, and, for God’s sake, orangoutangs and beavers (and no, I wasn’t just using a vulgar slang term for vaginas in that beaver post, much to the disappointment of my biggest fans the random weirdos who find my blog).

Let me assure you, dear readers, this blog is still about sex. Or it’s as much about sex as it ever was, which is probably not much, but still . . .

Do Not Hump in the Sink, Please.

Do Not Hump in the Sink, Please.

In my defense, do you know how hard difficult it is to write about sex all the time? I imagine it’s like being a sex worker, only without the pay. And without the exploitation. And without the constant risk of physical and emotional abuse. And instead of lying on my back with my feet in the air, I’m usually sitting at my dining room table, staring at the blank screen on my lap top, panicking because it’s Wednesday and I still don’t have a blog post up, while  a cup of coffee turns  cold in my hand.

So, um, I guess it’s not at all like being a sex worker.

I can’t tell who’s braver–the firefighters putting out this fire, or the woman who caused it by having an orgasm.

Anyway, this blog claims to be about sex, and not so much about rap songs from the nineties, so let’s talk about sex. Over on Yahoo!Style, there’s an article right now titled “Five Brave Women Reveal What An Orgasm Truly Feels Like.” I suppose you and I could sit here all day and argue with the editors who came up with that title about what, exactly, constitutes an act of bravery, but surely we can all agree that talking about orgasms ≠ racing into a burning building to rescue small children, can’t we? We can’t? Ok, then, Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please should be nominated for the Congressional Medal of Honor because I’ve been  “brave” for a long time, at least when I haven’t been talking about Twitter, texting, beavers and orangoutangs.

I used to make the joke that I write about sex in the least erotic way possible, but these women may have me beat with their descriptions of orgasms. They make sex sound stupid and silly, instead of filthy and dirty, the way God intended. Since you probably didn’t bother to click on the article (who wants that page showing up in their web history?) let me recap.

This is what an orgasm feels like, according to the orangoutangs courageous souls on Yahoo!Style.

  1. A sneeze stuck in your nose.
  2. A pot of boiling water.
  3. A free fall. “[It feels] like your vagina is being tossed off a cliff and free falls for a second before landing on a really bouncy trampoline!”
  4. A prize.
  5. A skydive.

I had to include the totality of Lady #3’s comment because it’s just so demented. Really, Lady #3, your vagina falls off a cliff and then lands on a trampoline? Have you been having sex in a Road Runner cartoon?

Still, I think each of the women’s descriptions unconsciously reveals much more about them than they realize. Let me armchair analyze each of them.

Lady #1 suffers from allergies.

Lady #2 has been burned by love.

Lady #3 never had an orgasm, and maybe never even had sex.

Lady #4 married the first person she had an orgasm with.

Lady #5 engages in lots and lots of risky sex.

As for me, I’d say an orgasm feels like a crescendo. And what does my description say phila_alt_greentext_0_1406314447about me, except that I played in the high school band and like the sound of foreign words? I think it also says I’ve thought an awful lot about this topic, enough so that I can come up with the word “crescendo” without much prompting,  and maybe it also says that I married a guy who likes classical music. You don’t hear the word “crescendo” spoken much in relation to the alt-pop of which I am a fan, so he gets the credit for inspiring the word, as well as the orgasms.

Royalty-free stock photos, including the images in this post, can be found at freeimages.com. Use of the Radio 104.5 logo is believed to be permitted under the Fair Use Doctrine and is not an infringement on copyright.

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28 thoughts on “Is This Blog Even About Sex Anymore? Why, Yes. Yes It Is.

  1. lynseywhite says:

    For some bizarre reason… this has led me to wonder which advertising slogans you could use to sell orgasms?

    ‘Naughty but nice’
    ‘Just do it’
    maybe even: ‘Go to work on an egg’…

    (Probably not VW’s ‘Think small’.)

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Selling orgasms is the world’s oldest profession. 😉

      Anyway, I admire your entrepreneurial spirit!

      Thanks for commenting. These sorts of posts seem to go out into the inter webs and be greeted by cold silence, so I appreciate.

      Like

  2. Ellen Hawley says:

    These three explanations, I think, explain why the Bad Sex literary awards were created–because translating sex into words invites disaster. And laughter. Not to mention mockery.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Oh, boy. I’m going to have to think about “translating sex into words invites disaster.”

      Other than Trampoline Woman, I don’t know how far off the mark the others are. I can sort of see what they’re trying to express. I’ll give them a pass, because if I’d been ask to describe an orgasm back in my 20s, who knows what crazy shit would have come out of my mouth.

      But not Trampoline Woman. She doesn’t get a pass. 😉

      Like

  3. barbtaub says:

    First: I wish you had put the Looney Tunes clip at the beginning because it makes the perfect soundtrack for the post .

    Second: crescendo! Kudos to your hub for coming up…er… inspiring … um…being the source of… So, about those orangutans…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michelle at The Green Study says:

    I don’t read your blog for the bizarre sex tidbits you seem to dig up (holy shit, I can’t imagine what your search history looks like). I do read because you are funny, have a strong and unique voice and because you have an edge that slightly scares me (completely unlike a skydiving orgasm). So there. Write whatever the hell you want to write about – I’ll read it.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Hey Michelle, thanks for the kind words. I think you’re spot on with observation regarding why we follow the bloggers we follow–we’re not so much interested in the subject matter of a post, we just want to hear what the blogger has to say about it.

      I’m following your struggles over there on your blog. I haven’t been commenting only because I don’t feel I have a whole lot to offer to the convo, but I’m with you regarding your angst. I saw this quote from William Gibson posted on Twitter awhile back. Hope it helps.

      Like

    • Karen says:

      Yes, you’re right. It’s a courageous act to even read this blog, let alone comment. You’ll be receiving your medal in the mail shortly.

      Ok, um, see, at the risk of sounding really creepy (when has that ever stopped me?) I’m going to venture into TMI territory and suggest that your description of the female orgasm is probably informed by the fact that you’re a guy and have rugged boy bits, rather than dainty lady parts.

      I don’t experience it as an “explosion” but, um, maybe I haven’t been with the right guy yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Peg Stueber-Temp and Tea says:

    I guess I just haven’t been following long enough to realize your blog is about sex. Better than mine, though. I just put up a post about being trapped in a bathroom stall, and a rough bit about cars.

    I gotta go with the sneeze thing for the orgasm thing – if you’re looking for votes…

    Like

    • Karen says:

      I should have put in a poll! “What do you think an orgasm is like? A) allergies B) a tea kettle C) a trampoline D) suicide.”

      I think this blog skirts on the edge of sex, though this post is about as sex-y (as opposed to sexy) as it gets. I used to get angry emails from people who write blogs that are actually about sex (if you dare, you can search the topic on WordPress and see what turns up) telling me how I wasn’t writing about sex at all, if I wanted to see a sex blog, I should check out their blog, which really was about sex, yada yada yada. That was way back when 50 Shades had just been published and everyone was posting about bondage.

      I saw the car-buying post. I think I may have missed the bathroom stall one (I’ll go back and check now. It sounds like it might be a good one!) Any and every topic is fodder for our blogs.

      Like

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