The Pros and Cons of Polygamy and Turkey Left Overs

A blast from the past when this blog really was much more about sex and less about, oh, I don’t even know what this blog is about anymore. From 2012, “The Pros and Cons of Polygamy and Turkey Leftovers.”

Polygamy and polyamory has been the topic of this blog before, most notably in the posts Polyamory: Married & Dating and People Who Just Had Sex (NSFW), and I have to confess it’s a topic I am absolutely fascinated disgusted fascinated by.  I came across this article in the Washington Post back in October, Polygamy May Be Hot, But In Marriage, Three’s Still a Crowd and meant to write about it then, but I guess the topics that took my attention (Starbucks and masturbating in public and unsafe sex in pornos and Oprah Winfrey) just seemed more pressing.

Gobble, gobble!

From this picture, you would think turkey tastes good, wouldn’t you?

Now here we are on the last day of November, our turkey has been eaten and  . . . well, to be more accurate, I didn’t eat much turkey, and threw the leftovers into the trash a few days ago.  They smelled funky to me.  In fact, turkey always smells funky to me, I don’t even like it.  I just succumbed to holiday pressure and made a 20 pound turkey for Thanksgiving to feed nine people, so I needed each of them to eat approximately two pounds of turkey to avoid leftovers, and let me tell you, they did not hold up their end of that bargain.  None of them even came close, with the kids finding it infinitely more satisfying to feed their share to our pet cat, Noodles, than to, you know, eat it themselves.  While Noodles was pleased with this arrangement it still left me with an overwhelming amount of turkey.  Sure, at first I had grand ambitions of making turkey pie or turkey soup or turkey sandwiches with the leftovers, but, as previously mentioned, I don’t really like turkey.  The trash seemed a much better option.

So, to be more precise, here we are at the end of November, having eaten not-so-much turkey, and thinking about polygamy. The article from the Post posits the following question.

If Americans increasingly value their rights to privacy and liberty above historical social norms, then why should the state not legally approve other unconventional domestic set-ups?

While I kinda/sorta practiced in the field of matrimonial law for a bit, I don’t necessarily want to wade into the legal issues surrounding polygamy, because this blog is mostly about stupid stuff and sex.  So instead of writing anything intelligent on this topic, I decided to make a list of pros and cons of being in a polygamous marriage.

"And she never, ever unloads the dishwasher."

Sister-wives, talking shit about me behind my back.

  1. Pro:  I’d only have to have sex with my husband once in a while.  Con:  I’d only get to have sex with my husband once in a while.
  2. Pro:  I’d have sister-wives that would do a share of household chores.  Con: I’d have sister-wives who would glare at me when I neglected to do my share of household chores.
  3. Pro: I’d have built-in babysitters to watch my kids while my husband and I went out dancing and drinking.  Con:  I’d be expected to watch the brats of my sister-wives while they went out dancing and drinking with my husband.

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5 thoughts on “The Pros and Cons of Polygamy and Turkey Left Overs

  1. bodycrimes says:

    If my sister wives were congenial people who were into letting me sit on the sofa eating bon bons, I’d be good with polygamy. I suspect, though, that it would be like flat sharing except WORSE. (Except that nobody would label their stuff in the fridge, I guess.)


    • Karen says:

      Yeah, I’m still baffled about how these relationships could possibly work. And, yeah, like sharing an apartment with a roommate who also sleeps with your boyfriend.


  2. The Little Red Head Who Could says:

    I think polyamory is hard for a lot of people to grasp because for a lot of people, jealousy plays a factor. Either that, or they end up picturing Amish folk, all slaving away in the kitchen and vying for attention from one lone male.
    But as someone who lived in a triad, it’s not really like that.
    It’s like… <—- (those dots represent about 5 minutes of me trying to best phrase this)
    3 best friends who all sleep with each other. 2 females (both bisexual) and a straight male. We didn't fight for attention, and we all just kind of did whatever we had to do around the house. Mostly laundry and dishes, which don't require a lot of time.
    But there was a lot of bouncing around naked.
    The outside world thought we were all friends.
    A good time was had by all! Granted, this is polyamory, not polygamy, but I can't imagine they're too different.


    • Karen says:

      I’m glad to hear the relationship works for you. Given the complexities of getting along with one other adult in a household, I can’t imagine adding another adult to that mix makes things any easier. But I haven’t tried it, so I cede to your expertise.

      However, I have to believe that triads must be particularly difficult because there is always the potential for two to unite against the third. It’s a phenomenon that’s observed across human relationships, from the school yard to the boardroom, so I have to believe that dynamic would exist in the bedroom, as well. There are folks that are able to free themselves of their feelings of competitiveness (and maybe insecurity) and make something like this work, I suppose, but I think they are very rare indeed.


  3. barbtaub says:

    PRO: after a while, your menstrual cycles would synchronize, leaving one solid week per month of PMS requiring intense salt and chocolate consumption and a terrified husband.

    CON: (see PRO)


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