So you’re thinking about asking me to write a guest post over on your blog. Let me tell you all the reasons why that’s a bad idea, no matter what the WordPress editors said in “Widen Your Circle with Guest Bloggers“:
- I’m a real pain in the ass.
First, I’m going to demand complete creative control over the blog post which means you get to edit nothing–NOTHING, you cannot change even one word!– from the post I submit to you. And I’ll probably spew some outrageous string of obscenities (and maybe include a naked selfie) just to see what you’ll let me get away with. And your 83-year-old grandmother, who’s still recovering from that stroke she suffered last spring, which you blogged about here, she’s going to read this post you let me put on your blog and it will probably kill her.
- I write about stupid shit.
Perhaps you’re new to my blog and so far you’ve seen some odd posts, and have been wondering about my strange fascination with Dr. Ruth Westheimer (“Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please Holiday Gift Guide 2013: Tickets to Becoming Dr. Ruth“), and converting lesbians (“How Many New Yorkers Voted for Bill DiBlasio Because He Has the Power to Convert Lesbians?“), but did you know that I also wrote about the island nation of New Zealand in “The Sex Education of Non-Fiction Young Adult Characters” and again in “U Can’t Has Kittehs in New Zealand“?
Yes, New Zealand!
- You’re not really sure if I’m even all that funny.
No, maybe I’m really not even funny.
So, on second thought, you really don’t want me to be a guest blogger over on your blog.
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