Orgasms and Acting

The lighting was all wrong!  Let's try that take again!

Lights! Camera! Action! Fake that orgasm!

I may be the last woman on earth who has never faked an orgasm.  I actually considered doing it one time (please, just stop, already!) but then decided against it because I didn’t think I could pull it off.  I’m not much of an actress and I’m also the world’s worst liar, which may explain why my legal career never took off.

In the third grade, I had a supporting role in The Littlest Christmas Tree as the medium-sized Christmas tree.  I think I had more stage time, but not as many lines, as the large-sized Christmas tree, but, of course, as you may have guessed, the real star of that show was the littlest Christmas tree.

Fast forward to high school where I did not audition for any theater productions but found my niche running cross country and playing volleyball.  I wasn’t any better at sports than I was at acting, but it’s way easier to land a spot on the bench than on the stage when your high school is full of girls (81%) and gay guys (47%).  Ok, I’m making those percentages up, but what other reason could there be that Peter Wallinger didn’t ask me out?  He had to be gay.

And for my next performance, I'll also be fake laughing at your dumb jokes.

That woman was faking orgasms longer than Cats played on Broadway.

So why am I thinking about orgasms and acting?  I just read this question a reader sent in to Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s syndicated column.

Q: I am unable to have an orgasm with my husband. We have been together for 13 years, and I’ve been faking it for that long.

Good God, this woman deserves a lifetime achievement Academy Award for maintaining this ruse for so long.  You think faking orgasms would have fallen by the wayside in a marriage after that long, like wearing nice underwear and closing the bathroom door.  At a certain point, don’t you just stop caring?  And I’d love to be the attorney handling that divorce.

Soon-to-be-Ex-Wife: You’ve never made me climax, not once in thirteen years!

Soon-to-be-Ex-Husband:  What?  You came every time!

Soon-to-be-Ex-Wife:  Never!

Soon-to-be-Ex-Husband: I’ve been bragging to all my buddies for years about how great I am in bed and how horny you are!

Soon-to-be-Ex-Wife: And tell your friends to stop calling me!

I think I never got into the habit of faking orgasms because I didn’t know that I wasn’t having them when I first started having sex.  Like, you don’t know what you don’t know, right?  So I would lie there afterwards and wonder if I’d actually had an orgasm.  I mean, sex felt good, so maybe what I was experiencing was an orgasm?  Could this be what everyone has been going on and on about?  If so, color me unimpressed,  I remember thinking.

Then, during my junior year in college, I dated this guy Mitch who was a graduate student and had a bushy blonde mustache that tickled when we kissed.  We had been interrupted by one of his roommates while making out on the saggy futon in his apartment one night so instead of going back to his place after our next date, he drove his Honda Civic to a spot near the Schuylkill and we watched the moonlight reflect off the river’s surface.

And I found out what everyone had been going on and on about.

You can read more about Dr. Ruth Westheimer in the post Super Bowl Sex Tips and the lousy sex I had in college before meeting Mitch in My Sophomore Year of Celibacy.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG

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20 thoughts on “Orgasms and Acting

    • Karen says:

      Yes, Dr. Ruth is still alive and out there giving sex advice. Mostly she tells people to go see a sex therapist (like she told 13 Year Faker Lady), but sometimes she advises couples to go to motels. The motels Dr. Ruth remembers must be a lot sexier (and cleaner) than the ones I’m familiar with, which always make me wonder if my vaccinations are up to date, rather than inspire the sexy times.

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  1. bunny48 says:

    Your not the only one. I’ve never faked an orgasm either. Or anything else. I’m way to honest. I can’t even fake interest when I don’t feel like doing it. By the way, I’m back. If you check my blog, I’m incognito.

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    • Karen says:

      Ah, I’ve faked lots of things. Like pretending to like that chicken al fredo my husband made for me on our second date. The sauce came out of a jar! A jar!!!!!

      😉

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  2. Frances D says:

    Gosh, I haven’t heard Dr. Ruth in a long time. I wonder if some women just think that eventually they’ll make it if they keep faking it? And I also wonder how many men blame the woman for not achieving the big O. Hmmm….much food for thought in this post. Think I’ll poll some of my lady friends. Take care. As always it was a pleasure. PS I was not faking just in case your wondering. 😉

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    • Karen says:

      Oh, gosh, I hope no one blames anyone.

      I don’t know why anyone would fake it, other than to get the guy to stop whatever he is doing (or finish). I guess women feel it’s important for their guys to think they (the guys) are good at sex? I dunno, I’ve never faked it, and I’ve never had a guy apologize for me not making it. Maybe they don’t even know when we don’t (which is what I suspect), so all that faking and acting and pretending is just so much wasted effort.

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  3. honestfemme says:

    I’ve never faked an orgasm, mostly because I’m a really bad liar/actor. I also think it’s counter-intiuative to encourage someone into thinking they’re pleasuring you when you’re not necessarily enjoying yourself. Sex is not a “fake it ’til you make it” kind of deal.

    Here’s an article based on scientific research that might be interesting to you. It discusses faking orgasms, sexual satisfaction, fidelity and the link between them. Honest. http://theconversation.com/happy-national-orgasm-day-16583

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    • Karen says:

      OMG! How did I miss National Orgasm Day? Is that only in Australia? I might have to move there just to celebrate it next year.

      Thanks for the link, interesting stuff.

      I agree with you about it being pointless to fake an orgasm (unless there’s something really good on TV about to come on) and, not to be too graphic (but I will, because, hey, you should expect that if you read this blog) but I learned early on to move his hand where I wanted it to be and to give lots of verbal feedback. I never had a partner freak out or become upset because I did this sort of “correction.”

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