Lazy or Lesbian? Sometimes it’s hard to tell . . .

If this were really my eye, it would be blood shot and bleary from reading so many blogs

I’m watching you and your blog.

I read your blog.  You may also have noticed that I occasionally comment, and, less often, I even Like one of your posts.  But rest assured, I’m always out there, reading your blog.

I was doing just that yesterday, innocently reading this post, Is Quiet Feminism an Oxymoron? over on the Green Study, which included a link to another blog, The Outlier Collective.  At the Outlier Collective, I read the post, 10 Signs that Feminism May Not Be For You, and down the list, I came across the seventh sign.

7. You ever, ever, ever feel the need to clarify that you’re not one of those feminists.

This is code for, “But I don’t hate men! I don’t wear cargo pants [emphasis added]! I shave my legs! I promise!” And for sure those statements are true for many feminists; in fact, none of us hate men. But by distancing yourself from those feminists, whoever those feminists are, perpetuates the idea that a) there’s something wrong with those feminists, b) those feminists are totally threatening to men and masculinity, and c) that they make up the majority of the feminist movement.

Remember how we were talking earlier about feminism being all about choice? Well, it’s a two-way street, my friend. You can choose to wear your lipstick and your Peter Pan collar, and another woman can choose to wear hiking boots and a baseball cap [emphasis added], and at the end of the day, both of you are awesome feminists.

At the exact moment I was reading those paragraphs, I happened to be lying on the sofa in my living room wearing (get ready for a shocking revelation)

  1. cargo pants (well, shorts, to be exact)
  2. a baseball cap (Go Red Sox!)
Lace these up and immediately feel the urge to munch carpet.

Lace these up and immediately feel the urge to munch carpet.

So I read that post, and I immediately thought, “OMG!  I’m a lesbian one of those feminists.”  Before, I had just thought I was a feminist, but, as it turns out, I guess I’ve been wrong.  On account of the cargo shorts and the baseball cap, you see.  I even own a pair of hiking boots, now that I think of it, because I tried to convince my family that one time that we could be “outdoorsy.”

Then it occurred to me that I’m not actually a lesbian one of those feminists, I’m just lazy.  My hair had dried funny after I showered, and I didn’t feel like fixing it, so I was hiding it under the baseball cap, and I was wearing the cargo shorts because wearing something else would have required me to do a load of laundry.

But I wonder what sort of assessment people make of me when they see me out in the cargo shorts and the baseball cap. Do they think, “Ah, lesbian one of those feminists,” as they completely ignore that tall guy I’m with who (I suddenly feel compelled to point out) I’ve been fucking the past ten years?  What about the two children who are the result of that fucking?  Is all of that negated by the cargo shorts and the baseball cap? Maybe they think, “Oh, the kids must be from before she realized she liked licking pussy wearing cargo shorts and a baseball cap.”

So, in conclusion, let me blow your mind by stating for the record that I am one of those awesome feminists who shaves her legs, likes penis, cargo shorts, and baseball (not necessarily in that order).  And when you see me out in public wearing cargo shorts and a baseball cap, you should think, “Jesus Christ, that woman is so lazy.”

You can read more about leg shaving and lesbians in these posts Shining, Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen, Turns Out Ellen Degeneres is Not the Only Lesbian in the World, and What A Pathetic Lesbian I Would Be.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

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14 thoughts on “Lazy or Lesbian? Sometimes it’s hard to tell . . .

  1. Karen says:

    While I mostly agree with the post over on the Outlier Collective that I’ve linked to here, I want to say that feminism is for everyone who believes in the equality between men and women.

    Period.

    Also, I feel the need to clarify that I am a feminist who has never, ever, never uttered the phrase, “I’m a feminist but I like men” or some such. I’m a feminist.

    Period.

    Like

  2. Michelle at The Green Study says:

    As a woman who has spent her formative years in flannel shirts, old jeans and running shoes, I can attest that not only am I lazy when it comes to appearance, I’m likely too lazy to feel the need to clarify my sexual orientation.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      I have to say that I was absolutely gobsmacked when I read the post describing “those feminists” wearing cargo pants and baseball caps, because, hey! I’m not a lesbian. And I don’t really know how true it is, either, because all the Moms in my playgroup wear baseball caps at least sometimes, and they can’t all be lesbians, can they? I’ll have to ask . . .

      But it’s funny. I want a t shirt that says “I’m dressed this way because I’m lazy.”
      😉

      Like

  3. Joyce says:

    I have yet to meet one of these feminists who allegedly hate men.

    I saw this meme on Facebook the other day, which I almost shared, except that I still hate memes: “Feminazi” – Because wanting your gender to be treated like human beings is just like invading Poland.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Hmmm. I’ve written before about my reluctance to join the “Womyn’s Group” on my college campus when I was an undergrad because there was a definite stigma attached to it (even at the very liberal East Coast college I attended) and the most visible members of this group were also the most militant. I’m not sure if they hated men, exactly, but there certainly were a few of them who would argue for a sort of separatism, not unlike the Black separatism advocated by Booker T. Washington, among others, at the turn of the last century, and more radical black nationalists in the ’60s and ’70s.

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      • Joyce says:

        Yes, well it is the liberal Northeast after all. (Kidding – I’m from Connecticut.)

        I know that there are definitely seperatists groups, but outside of the more liberal hotspots, I would consider those to be very much fringe groups. Maybe that’s why I’ve never met any of them – I live in the Bible Belt and the nearsest liberal hotspot is hundreds of miles away.

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  4. Madame Weebles says:

    I thought the same thing about that post, actually—hey, what about my cargo pants and baseball caps? I also shave my legs, love baseball and the penis. But like you said, being a feminist isn’t about trappings. It’s about whether you think women should have the same rights as men. The window dressing doesn’t/shouldn’t matter.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Right. And I don’t mean to imply that the post over on the Outlier Collective is saying that feminists dress a certain way–it isn’t, and in fact is making the exact opposite point. I’m just riffing on a couple of words in a very long post there that caught my eye, and I just happened to be wearing cargo shorts and a baseball cap that day. 🙂

      Like

      • Madame Weebles says:

        Totally with you! I didn’t think you were implying anything, it’s just funny because I thought the same thing. And I co-host the Outlier Collective, fer crissakes.

        Like

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