Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

So you’re telling me you still need a reason why you shouldn’t send pictures of your tatas and hoo ha out over the internet?  Here it is:  A Victim Speaks: Standing Up to a Revenge Porn Tormentor.  It’s  a story about a woman named Holly Jacobs.  Well, her name used to be Holli Thometz, but she had to change it after she did something that most of us have done at least a few times: she broke up with a boyfriend.  Let’s go to the article to see what happened next.

Years later, when they’d finally broken it off for good, Ms. Jacobs, now 29, says that Mr. Seay did the unthinkable: He uploaded naked photos of her to the web. Photos that she’d sent to him in confidence. He allegedly posted them to scores of revenge porn sites, online hubs where scorned exes publish intimate photos without their former lovers’ consent. She says he attached her name, email address and a screenshot of her Facebook profile to the nude photos along with commentary about what a slut she was. Knowing that she was working as a teaching assistant at a local university, he allegedly uploaded a video of her masturbating with the title “Masturbation 201 by Professor Holli Thometz.”

The exhibitionist in me (and I am a bit of one.  After all, I write a personal blog) sympathizes with Ms. Jacobs/Thometz and I’m sure it’s fun and sexy to pretend to be a porn star for your own special someone.  It’s too bad she chose the World’s Absolute Worst Breaker-Upper to play with, and he turned around to do the internet age equivalent of writing her name and number on the men’s bathroom wall.
No, a picture of your hard on is not just as good.

Next time, send flowers.

Fortunately for me, I was married before robot smart phones made taking naked selfies pictures of yourself common place.  It’s not that people didn’t do this before; they did.  I knew a guy in college who showed me some (naked) pictures of a (naked) former girlfriend.  Did I mention she didn’t have on any clothes in the pictures?  Later, when he asked me out, I prudishly prudently declined.  And then there was the room mate who told an uproarious story about a guy who took a picture of his erect penis with his parents’ Polaroid  camera to give to her as a psychotic romantic gesture.

While it was done way back in the dark ages when I was dating, it certainly was not convenient.  Either you had to have access to a Polaroid, or you had to know someone with the skills to develop your film for you, or you had to trust that the pimply teenager behind the photo counter at Walgreen’s wouldn’t pay too close attention to that roll of film you just dropped off.

There were other reasons why I never gave a naked picture of myself to any of my boyfriends, and I wrote about most of them in the post, #1617 in Our Ongoing Series “Why You Should Never Send Nakie Pics Over the Interwebs” (short answer: none of them ever asked). Also, because I’m by nature a pessimist, I wondered about what would happen to pictures after the relationship (inevitably) ended.  Did I think my ex was going to whip out the grainy Polaroids of my tatas/hooha and sigh wistfully, remembering the good times we’d had?  Or did I think he would immediately show them to all his frat brothers and point out that my right breast is ever-so-slightly larger than my left?

Forget the women and children! I'm going back in there to get those naked pictures of my girlfriend!

Forget the women and children! I’m going back in there to get those naked pictures of my girlfriend!

Once, in idle conversation with a group of friends the question was asked, if your apartment was on fire, what would you run back inside for? I said I would run back in for a Coach handbag I had just spent an entire week’s pay check on, another girl said she would grab a teddy bear her grandmother had given her, and then this guy said he would run back in to save a stack of pictures of his ex-girlfriend.  She was naked in them, of course, and he had broken up with her three years before.  Three years before!

So go ahead and take off all your clothes and pick up your camera phone if you want.  Just make sure you have a new name picked out when your boyfriend turns into a total psycho lunatic after you break up.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

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5 thoughts on “Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

  1. Karen says:

    The theme for this month’s NaBloPoMo is “comfort” but it seems I’m writing more about discomfort.

    My point is, post your naughty pics on the internet and you’ll never sleep comfortably again!

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  2. beadstork says:

    I won’t even let my husband take nekkid pictures. We’ve been married 10 years, but I still always think… what if we get divorced? He’s a decent person, but people turn ugly over breakups. No thanks. No pictures.

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    • Karen says:

      I married an uptight Catholic guy, so it’s unlikely he’ll be asking to take any naked pictures of me, ever. But, yeah–I’ve seen enough divorces where the parties are ready to lie under oath about their soon-to-be-ex that I can only imagine how they would use naked pictures if they had them.

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