I Probably Should Not Give Marital Advice

A huge diamond AND Liam Hemsworth!

Miley Cyrus’s engagement ring diamond (actual size, but not actual diamond).

I guess I’m relieved that Hannah Montana’s Mylie Cyrus’s wedding to Liam Hemsworth is on again, at least according to her Twitter feed, where she posted a photo wearing a huge rock her engagement ring.  From the Daily Mail:

Without making mention of the return of the bling, the singer posted a picture of herself at a photo shoot with the ring back on late Tuesday.

Wearing a onsie between takes, Miley made sure to have her bejeweled hand front and centre of the shot.

Captioning the photograph – which was made up of two pictures spliced together – ‘It’s a onezie PARTY (of one)’ what Miley really meant it is a ‘I’m still engaged party’.

Like every parent, I have mixed feelings about Hannah’s Miley’s impending wedding.  Are you thinking right now that you’re  a parent and you don’t care one bit about the Cyrus-Hemsworth marriage?  Ok, so maybe I’m not like every parent.  Maybe I’m the only one who feels this urge to sit Miley down and have a heart to heart talk about this major life decision she’s making.  I imagine it would start off something like this:

Me: You’re not pregnant, are you?

Actually, I don’t know what advice I would give Miley.  According to the Knot Yet Report, Americans are delaying marriage, with the average age of first marriage at historic highs (women, 27 and men, 29). At 19, Miley is an anomaly (her betrothed is 23).  Of course, in other countries, parents breathe a sigh of relief when their daughters finally (finally!) get married at 19, and don’t shame them by stubbornly clinging to spinsterhood into their twenties.  I like to remind my own two daughters that they are lucky to have been born Americans, otherwise they might be married and starting their own households by now.  

Me:  You know, when I have to pick up your dirty laundry off the floor, again, it makes me wonder how

He has a good personality.

Your South Yurkanian husband.

you would manage in South Yurkania, where girls your age spend the whole day toting water from a stream just so their husbands have something to drink!

The eight year old can’t always tell when I’m joking, but she laughs anyway while hoping her father would never allow her to be sent to South Yurkania (would he?)  The toddler, who has a marginal understanding of English beyond the words “No!” and “Mine!” laughs because Mommy always says funny things, and surely this is another funny thing that Mommy has said.

I got married when I was 23, a few years older than Miley, a few years younger than the average.  I guess I wish I could tell Miley that those four years mattered, that I gained wisdom and experience that made me a better wife and mother.  Then I look at a picture of Liam Hemsworth and all I can think is:

Me: God, is he hot!

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

 

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21 thoughts on “I Probably Should Not Give Marital Advice

  1. Karen says:

    The theme for this month’s NaBloPoMo is “risk” and, sorry Miley and Liam, teen marriages are the riskiest: according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, about a third of all teen marriages end in divorce within five years.

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  2. MommyVerbs says:

    I got married almost four years after you and I would totally agree, the years make a difference. I won’t say things still didn’t flip me out in those first years, but we’ve all gotten along pretty well. As for the young man…I had to Google him, this Liam Hemsworth…and um, yes, agreed. I’d say you found the answer to the question, “Why now, Young Miley?”

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    • Karen says:

      I really did think about what sort of advice I would give Miley, if she asked (Miley, if you’re reading this post, call me. I’ve got something to say to you). I think the best I can come up with is that the experience of falling out of love with someone is really invaluable. Of course, that’s probably the worst thing to say to someone who’s in love (“You know, you really need to wait to fall out of love a few times before you get married!”) and everyone who’s in love thinks it will last forever.

      And the thought of my own daughters dating absolutely fills me with dread. I absolutely shoot daggers at all the teenage boys I see lurking around town, waiting to spring on someone’s unsuspecting daughter. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t have any boys. 😉

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  3. Katie says:

    My views about when I should/will get married have changed as I’ve gotten older. It has less to do with wisdom and maturity so much as it has everything to do with finances. I think with Miley and Liam that’s a big part of it–they’re not waiting to be financially “secure.” Plus, they were in a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks book! It HAS to last, right?! 😉

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    • Karen says:

      I had to Google Nicholas Sparks because I am not as familiar with popular culture as I like to pretend. The Google tells me that he is the author/screenwriter of some of the worst, sappiest books/movies of the past ten years.

      I got into a long conversation with a friend yesterday about the timing of marriage, and the factors that influence people to take the plunge. I think finances play a part but I’m thinking for lots of folks marriage is a goal in life (not THE goal, but a goal) to be achieved when other steps have been accomplished. The study I link to from Knot Yet talks about marriage being a “cornerstone” for earlier generations to build their lives on, and now, with folks other than Miley Cyrus delaying marriage into their late 20s, it has become a “capstone” that people achieve once they have accomplished earlier goals.

      My friend, who is much more of a romantic than I, believes that you will marry at any age, you just have to meet “The One.”

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      • Karen says:

        I also want to add since I’ve written previously about teen pregnancy, I think the lack of goal setting, or the belief that they have no goals to achieve, results in young girls having babies. If you’re struggling in school, can’t find work, suddenly “achieving” the goal of parenthood maybe doesn’t seem so whack.

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      • Katie says:

        I think you’re right about it being a goal. It just so happens that these days other goals are taking precedence, and I think that accounts for a big part of why people are waiting longer to walk down the aisle.

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  4. Shannygirl says:

    My step daughter is getting married at the end of this month.. she is 20, he is 20… they’ve been dating since they were 16.. I so badly want to scream at both of them “IT’S NOT TOO LATE”…I got married the first time at 20, divorced at 21.. the second time at 26 divorced at 36.. the third time at 37… still waiting on whether or not they’ll be a divorced at the end of this one.. Just joking honey.. I tell my kids all the time to wait to marry until at least 25.. at the very least.. those are your fun free years.. don’t muck it up by getting married! And yeah he is hot.. but still.. just live in sin for a while.. 🙂 there you go folks.. the mother of the year award goes to me.. “Go live in sin kids”.. hahaha

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  5. prosewithabbitude says:

    I married at 19 years of age. Not sure if I was drunk or just impressed by the shiny ring when I said yes. We divorced 5 years later. In hindsigh I would have change my decision, but I don’t feel deep regrets or like I lost 5 years of my life. It was an experience that shaped me -made me toughen up and become more independent. While marriage is an extreme, I do strongly believe that you need to have a serious gut-wrenching, tear your heart out break up before you one honestly comes to grips with what love and a relationship is.

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    • Karen says:

      Well said. As painful as I know it is, I hope my daughters break up and fall out of love. I kinda hope Miley Cyrus comes to her senses. Those experiences teach us so much about ourselves, and what we need and what we are willing to give.

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      • prosewithabbitude says:

        Agreed. This reminds of that Raising Hope episode that flashbacks to all the instances his parents force ended his relationships. In the end, it all worked out for him.

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  6. Elyse says:

    Cohabiting is the only way to figure out whether all the annoying things he does will lead to murder or divorce. If I’d married the guy I was with at her age I’d be in jail.

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    • Karen says:

      I know but did the guy you were dating at 19 look like Liam Hemsworth? I mean, he’s freaking gorgeous. 😉

      The guy I was dating when I was nineteen was completely bald (he shaved off all, I mean ALL, of his body hair because he was on the swim team) and he and his buddies were setting their farts on fire when no girls were around, so, um, yeah, glad I didn’t marry him.

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    • Karen says:

      It’s people like you that prevented me from having a successful career in matrimonial law. 😉

      Glad you and your husband found each other at the right time in your lives.

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  7. Joyce says:

    I married at 29, and the only thing I wish had gone differently was that maybe my husband and I had found each other a few years earlier. Not many, just a few, so we won’t be paying for college as we near retirement. But 29 was a great age for me…I never had to wonder what it was like to date around, because I had already done that and discovered that it sucked.

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    • Karen says:

      I’m probably in the minority on this, but I enjoyed dating. The break ups were awful, of course, and pining after guys who didn’t even know I existed was torture, but it was always very flattering to be asked out, and to find out all about this new person who liked you and learning what you had in common with them, sharing new experiences, etc. I always enjoyed that.

      I think I was pretty fortunate in that I didn’t encounter a lot of assholes in my dating career–I don’t know if that was blind luck or if I had some unconscious screening process that successfully eliminated them. It probably didn’t hurt that I got married fairly young, so I wasn’t out there swimming with the sharks for long.

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  8. Jesse says:

    Interesting post. My biggest fear as of late is that my older son (almost 16 and dating seriously) will come to me and say, “Mom, I want to get married.” Or worse,” Surprise! You are going to be a grandmother.” I would tell Miley to wait. Getting married young can be problematic for so many different reasons, the primary one, your prefrontal cortex isn’t even fully developed until your mid 20’s. So, child bride might be an appropriate term for the teen star. Yes, I was a child bride and beat you to the church (rose garden) by two years. We are still married but “whew!” That is all.

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