Dejar de mirar mi culo, por favor.

And the portion is too small.

Dejar de mirar mi culo, por favor.

“Hmm. Looks like she searched ‘What happened on Downton Abbey this week?’ ‘Is toenail fungus fatal?’ and ‘How do you say, “Stop looking at my ass” in Spanish?”

Do you ever wonder how you’ll explain your web searches to the police when if you’re arrested and your hard drive gets impounded?  Yeah, me, too.

I know bloggers here at WordPress get a lot of mileage out of posting the weird search engine terms that people use to stumble upon their blog (some of the favorites used to find mine include “masturbate blog” and “filthy disgusting porn”), but I’m starting to think I’m one of the weirdos plugging in those odd search terms, and not one of the normal people out there laughing at the weirdos.  This morning I searched the term “sex stories” because I was looking for a topic to blog.  And, um, I write about sex. Hence, “sex stories.”  Anyway, my search led me to the website,  literotica.com, which publishes original dirty erotic wank material literature submitted by perverts writers.

And they are having a contest.

At various points in my life, I have submitted my writing to contests.  Back in high school, I scored a copy of Matchbox 20’s Yourself or Someone Like You (first place was two tickets to the concert) and when I was a dark and brooding college sophomore, I published some dark and brooding poetry in a (very) amateur literary journal, but for the most part, my entries have been met with a collective “meh” from the folks who judge these sorts of things.

But the contest over at  literotica.com appears to be different from previous contests I have entered.  My cursory review of the rules has led me to believe submissions are not being judged on quality, but rather on quantity.  From the post announcing the contest:

Objective

  • To write as many new and original stories in as many different categories listed on the main story index in the course of the year as possible.

This is obviously where I have gone wrong with my previous entries.  Those other contests were all looking for good writing.  This contest isn’t looking for good, they’re looking for lots.  It reminds me of the old Woody Allen joke about the two women kvetching about a lousy restaurant.  The first woman says, “The food there is terrible!” and the second woman says, “And the portions are so small!”

Head on over to literotica.com and check out the rules for the contest.  I have a law degree, and I didn’t fully understand them, but I’m entering the contest anyway.  I think it’s an absolutely perfect contest for porn erotica, because one of the truths about pornography/erotica is that it doesn’t have to be good, there just has to be a lot of it.

Let’s hear in the comments if you’ve ever entered a writing contest*, or if you’ve ever tried writing erotica.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

*You can read about a different sort of contest I entered in this post, Tales to Tell.

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7 thoughts on “And the portion is too small.

  1. stillstrange says:

    I entered the Nanowrimo contest and wrote over 50,000 words in a month. But, I don’t think I could write erotica for my own, personal reasons You probably could. Give it a try. Good Luck.

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    • Karen says:

      Congrats on completing the Nanowrimo challenge–for years and years and years I’ve meant to do this, but I’m lucky if I’m able to produce a thousand words a week, let alone 50k in a month.

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  2. Karen says:

    I appreciate all the encouragement, but I don’t really intend to enter the literotica.com contest, I just used the pretense of doing so as fodder for the blog post. While I do write about sex (sort of), I always say I write about it in the most embarrassing, least erotic way possible so pretty sure my work wouldn’t even measure up to literotica.com’s admittedly lax standards. 🙂

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