Sex is Different in Australia

You break it, you bought it

Collateral damage in my sex life

Once, in the throes of passion, I broke a bedside table lamp.  While I concede that I am a klutz (I regularly bang my head getting in and out of my car), in my defense, on the night in question, the victim lamp was perched precariously near the edge of the table, and had I not been there having sex, and had my leg not shot out at just the wrong moment, someone else certainly would have broken the lamp, perhaps merely by snoring too loudly during the night, causing vibrations that would have sent that lamp teetering over the edge anyway.

As far as I know, that is the extent of the physical damage I have caused during sex, which is not something that can be said by at least one Australian woman.  From Insurance Journal, “Australian Court Rules Workers’ Comp Covers Sex Mishap.

The woman was hospitalized after being injured in 2007 during sex with a male friend while staying in a motel in the town of Nowra, 160 kilometers (100 miles) south of her hometown of Sydney.

During the sex, a glass light fitting was torn from its mount above the bed and landed on her face, injuring her nose and mouth.

Not sure how it works in Australia, but here in America, we steal anything that isn’t nailed down.  Muddy sneakers left out by the back door?  By morning, they’re gone.  Basket of dirty laundry placed on the hood of your car while you ran back in the house for fabric softener?  Don’t blink, because that’s gone, too.  Christmas poinsettias making your front porch festive this season? Gone before you can say, “Good King Wenceslas.” Consequently, the furniture and fixtures in American hotel rooms are bolted down and unless you’ve packed several charges of dynamite along with your nightie, you’re not slipping that ugly floral watercolor that’s hanging over the bed into your suitcase.

Is this not how it works in Australia?  Because somehow this woman managed to tear a light fixture off the wall during sex!  You do know why they call them fixtures, right? Because they’re fixed there.

My farts smell like eucalyptus

Once, during sex, I broke the eucalyptus tree.

So, do you think she’s super strong? Or maybe the sex was just that good? I don’t know of any sexual position that would require my hands on a wall mounted light and, using all my force, yank it down onto my face.  Do you know of any?  If so, please reply, with corresponding illustrations, in the comments.

Or maybe she didn’t do it at all.  Maybe the guy did it.  Maybe he was using the lighting fixture for, I don’t know, leverage?  And it fell on her face?

The funny part (yes, it gets funnier!) of this story is that this woman received worker’s compensation for the injuries she sustained during the, um, incident.

So what sort of damage have you caused during sex?

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

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12 thoughts on “Sex is Different in Australia

  1. Not So Sex in the City says:

    Oh wow this made me laugh! I’m a klutz too and I’m forever breaking things… and the occasional person! I actually broke his penis; well his “banjo-string” to be more precise. Wooops!

    Thanks for the giggle! 🙂

    Like

    • Karen says:

      You are welcome, but I’m confused. Did you really break a man’s penis? Is that even possible? Or his banjo string? Is banjo string what the cool kids are calling penis these days?

      If you really did break a man’s penis, that’s something to blog about . . .

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      • Not So Sex in the City says:

        Hahaha! I have! It’s hidden in the depths of my blog somewhere – I’m sure I’ve told the story hahaha! If not, perhaps I should elaborate!

        The little bit of string between his head and his shaft…. That split right in half – blood gushing everywhere. It was far from cool!

        Ewww! Just made myself cringe!

        Like

  2. skeletonfingers says:

    I was under the impression that everything was upside down in Australia. If she’s on top, she’s actually on bottom, ect. That extra confusion would certainly lead to things breaking and falling from the ceiling.

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  3. The Bumble Files says:

    This is a great one, Karen! I don’t know of any positions. I’d blame it on the guy. Maybe they’re in on it together, considering the worker’s comp. Good work! You’re right, everything in America is bolted securely. You’re so funny.

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