Sexual Bucket List

Sometimes I wonder how drunk I would have to be to participate in an orgy.  Or how cute the guys would have to be.  Or what combination of alcohol and attractiveness would be required.  I’m looking at the photo from this article in The New Yorker about some Chinese government officials who just got caught having the group sexy times and I’m thinking there’s not enough jiu (that’s the Chinese word for “alcoholic beverage.”  See?  This blog is educational) in China to get me to bang any of those guys.

Let’s try to not have any orgies
this year, ok?

I like how they took the time out of their orgy to pose for that photo, just like we used to do in elementary school.  I mean, we posed for group portraits in elementary school, we didn’t have orgies.  At least, not at my school.

Do you remember those class photos?  Short people in front, tall people in back.  I’m wondering if the Chinese created a sort of orgy yearbook that they’ll find years from now, in the back of a closet.  They’ll sit down with it, and flip through the pages and reminisce.  “Oh, remember him?  He smelled like sauerkraut and sneezed when he came.”

My sexual To Do’s are pinned up on the refrigerator door, next to my grocery list.

Really, I don’t see myself ever being part of an orgy, but there’s a piece over at Cafe Mom that encourages readers to create a sexual bucket list, the term popularized by the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman film in which two geezers do a bunch of crazy stuff before they die, i.e. before they “kick the bucket,” like jump out of airplanes, etc.  “Engage in group sex” is the fourth item on the author’s own list, right after “Have a threesome” (I guess it doesn’t qualify as group sex until you add a fourth person) and right before “Have phone sex.”  There are fifty items on her list and by the end she was really grasping at straws to fill out that list.  “A quickie in a skirt”?  Ok, maybe.  But  “A longie in the rain”?  Really?  You don’t want to die until you have sex for a long time in the freaking rain?  Do you realize what your hair is going to look like after that?

Take a look at the list, and let’s hear in the comments how many you’ve done, or feel free to add your own (her list does kinda suck).  I’ll go first, but I’m not saying which ones.

Twenty one.

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29 thoughts on “Sexual Bucket List

  1. Kara d. says:

    32 and I know it as a Fucket list, but I suppose the author can’t really call it that and still be published mainstream


  2. Sebastian March says:

    Orgies make me think of multitasking at work: you’re doing a lot of things but not doing any of them very well.


    • Karen says:

      Orgies just make me think of work. I have a difficult enough time keeping *one* man satisfied, I don’t think I want the responsibility of shooting off fireworks for two or three.


  3. babysgotasecret says:

    A nice but tame list. More a romance bucket list rather than a sex list IMHO. Thirty one is my number. On the same thought as Pucker….Can I count a younger, foreigner, one night stand in a city five hours away from home (and about 12 other items on the list pertain)? As for group sex, always intriguing and I’m fairly open regarding sex I am a bit of a chickenshit also so while I never say never I think it is best left to fantasy.


      • babysgotasecret says:

        It would make a great title to an autobiography. Hmmm, that sounds like a blog post……listing possible autobiography titles. I’ll have to tuck that one away for when I get ambitious enough to quit reading your blog and get writing on mine.


  4. nancyfrancis says:

    Peace Signs in your orgy photo? Really?

    I think I’m at like 17 on that list – does a Cruise Ship count as a boat? And does doing it in the ice room (you know, where the vending machines and ice machine are?) count as experimenting with ice?


    • Karen says:

      Hah! Yes, it all counts. I’m counting the time I had sex on a cruise ship for sex on a boat(#19), sex in a body of water(#20), sex in a foreign country (#43). We were technically in international waters. I’m also using it for #46, sex in the ocean while people swim around you. We were in the ocean, at least, the ship was, and people were swimming around us. The on board pool was one deck above. I’m reviewing the list right now, and I can’t get over how timid it is. I need to make a list that has things like “Sex with a midget” and “Sex with a third degree relative” and “Sex by the ice vending machine” on it. 😉


  5. rebecca2000 says:

    I used to be a big journal-er over at cafemom until they changed over to thestir and it is a hot mess. I will say that I love sex. I am pretty open when it comes to it. What isn’t there to like? I have fantasized about orgy’s but I know would never actually participate. Now…ask me how I feel about stuffed animal sex 😉 kidding



  6. radaronelson says:

    Okay I have done a total of 35 items on the list and #49 is just impossible for me. Never been able to in my entire life. I’m not a quickie person, even when if I try.


  7. Ralph says:

    Is this my fantasy blog ??????
    I suppose 20 years without gets minus points.
    But I am free now. Where’s my list and pencil (needs sharpening).
    Have fun Karen 🙂


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