Coming a little late to this story, but I just can’t pass it up: Topless Woman Eludes Police On Mission to Surprise Boyfriend. Mandy Ramsay, of Fort McCoy, Florida (but I didn’t need to tell you that, did I? Of course she’s from Florida!) led police on a chase through some trailer park with her goods all hanging out there enjoying the free Florida sunshine. And just when you thought this story could not get any better, Mandy revealed the reason for speeding and for being topless: She was in a hurry to surprise her boyfriend. With her boobs. From the look of the portrait of Mandy that accompanies that article, I would hazard a guess that a glimpse of Mandy’s boobs wouldn’t be much of a surprise for most of the men in and around Fort McCoy.
And just what kind of Barney Fifes are they deputizing down there anyway? The deputy in pursuit of Mandy Ramsey and her tits was actually outwitted by her (and her tits) and she managed to escape, even though she had crashed the truck into a tree during the chase! Mandy’s freedom was short lived, however.
The deputy lost Ramsey during the chase in the area, but soon found the truck parked behind a mobile home with its passenger side mirror broken with an oak tree leaf in it, according to reports.
Although I lack the creativity, not to mention the meth addiction, of Miss Mandy Ramsey of Fort McCoy, Florida, the story got me thinking of a surprise I sprung on my boyfriend back in the day. I once had the romantic idea to set a path of white candles through my apartment leading to the bathroom where I filled the tub with water and patiently lay in wait for my boyfriend. It didn’t occur to me until after I was sitting in the water turning cold with my skin turning pruny that my boyfriend was always
fucking late for everything. So I kept having to add hot water to the tub. Meanwhile, I was also absolutely certain the candles in the living room were going to catch my apartment on fire while I sat in the tub, so I hopped out of the tub while it came back up to temperature and checked on the candles. All the while I was dripping water all over everything, and I had to relight several of the candles I’d managed to extinguish. It was like a Three Stooges sketch, minus Moe and Larry.
This went on (and on) until my boyfriend finally arrived, took a look at my gawky five foot nine frame sitting there in the tub, considered his lanky six foot frame, and came to the conclusion, “Um, I don’t think we’re both going to fit in there.”
I imagine Mandy Ramsay’s boyfriend’s reaction was much the same, puzzled and perplexed by the idea some woman had dreamed up as the height of romantic fantasy.
*****Please don’t repeat these facts trying to impress some girl at a party. I just made them up, and anyway, you don’t want to fuck a girl who would be impressed by this.
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