I’m boycotting the Olympics, sort of. While I am proud to say I have not watched one moment of NBC’s controversial coverage, I’m selectively paying attention to any Olympic news that hints of sex. For example, we have the story of American track and field
virgin star, Lolo Jones, who sat down with Bryant Gumbel back in May and explained why she was twenty-nine and still a virgin.
“It’s just something, a gift I want to give my husband,” Jones said. “But please understand that this journey has been hard. There are virgins out there and I’m going to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college has been staying a virgin before marriage.”
Those of us who have actually had sex with a virgin can only assume that Lolo has one heckuva good sense of humor because being given the “gift” of virginity is sort of like getting a farting mug or Big Momma Undies for your birthday.
But it appears that the other athletes living in Olympic Village are making up for Lolo’s lack of putting out. According to a story from Forbes, Durex, the world’s top selling condom, has distributed 100,000+ condoms to the 10,000 athletes participating in the London Olympics. Unfortunately, the Daily Beast threw a big condom full of cold water on the Olympic-Village-is-a- non-stop-orgy! story by reporting that some athletes fill their luggage with the condoms in order to sell them back home, while others, you guessed it, use the condoms as water bombs.
And finally we have the romantic story of Nadja Drygalla, a German rower, who agreed to leave her team after a “conversation” with German officials about her boyfriend.
Though German officials did not give the reason for her departure, the German public broadcaster ARD reported the 23-year-old former police officer was suspected of sympathising with right-wing extremist ideology.
Media reports said her boyfriend was a leading member of the “Rostock National Socialists” and had fought a state election for the far-right National Democratic Party (NPD).
Drygall’s taste in men certainly runs to a type: last year, she was forced to resign from the police force after being linked to a different neo Nazi.
And because the ghost of Jesse Owens continues to haunt these motherfuckers, the 2012 German women’s eights rowing team didn’t do much to further that master race theory, as the Americans (USA! USA! USA!) took the gold, Canada claimed the silver, and the Netherlands got the bronze.
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