Comedy is Hard, Porn is Easy

Blogging humor is always difficult, but it becomes damn near impossible when your country is experiencing, once again, a national tragedy.  So I’ve been trying to be funny since Friday afternoon, as the enormity of the Aurora tragedy unfolded, but without much success.

And yet there are all these issues of great importance facing our nation, other than gun violence and the senseless slaughter of innocents, that are begging me to make fun.  As luck would have it, the New York Times decided to shine some light on one of those other issues with this story published on that same fateful Friday: He’s Watching That, in Public?  Pornography Takes Next Seat.  Yes, my fellow Americans, while our nation mourns and attempts, once again, to pick up the pieces after another gun tragedy, Dawn Hawkins, executive director of Morality in Media, an anti-pornography group, wants to stop you from viewing pictures of sexy naked people anywhere except in a dark corner of your basement (and maybe not even there).

Here we have this problem that I bet you didn’t even know about.  Look at you, all worrying about the unemployment rate, and the climate change, and the six year olds bleeding out from a gunshot wound while watching a Batman movie. We need Dawn Hawkins and her cult organization to warn us about all these people (oh, let’s be honest here, it’s just men.  Dirty, dirty men) out there viewing mature content on their iPhones and their iPads right out there in the open, instead of in the safe confines of sticky-floored X-rated movie theaters, like Fred Willard taught us.

And how did this issue come to the attention of Dawn Hawkins and her minions organization?  Turns out, Nosey Parker Dawn Hawkins was on a flight, just minding her own business–oh, wait.  She wasn’t minding her own business, was she?  Let’s fix that.  Ok, so, she was on a flight with some dude who was looking at some pretty naked ladies on his iPad.  And somehow Dawn saw it, either by peering through that little crack between the seats, or maybe she had to climb up over the head rest to get a good look, or maybe she saw it when she was patrolling up and down the aisle, during her usual pre-flight check for pornography.  I can’t be sure how she did it, but she saw it, and man, did it piss her off.  She made a scene, the man put away the porn, and, we can only hope that the flight attendant gave him a blanket to cover up his boner.  But Dawn was not satisfied.  She continued to carry on and on about this, even though the other passengers were just trying to enjoy the in-flight movie (one of Adam Sandler’s lesser efforts, maybe?).  Finally, one brave soul stood and said, “Shut up.  No one cares.”

And that’s when the rest of the passengers cheered and bought a round of drinks, because they had been thinking about going all United Flight 93 on her ass, so this saved them the trouble.

Ok, I made that last bit up.  But read the article and let me know what you think in the comments.

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