I’ve been surfing the intertubes today, looking for a suitable topic to write about and mostly coming up short. I considered The Perfect Payback for Infidelity, a story about an Oregon woman’s unique marketing plan to sell her home or get a date, I’m still not sure which is her goal. Then I found this article from the New York Times, about the health and beauty industry’s weak sauce answer for women to boner pills: More Women Look Over the Counter for a Libido Fix, but I think I’ll hold that post for when the world’s great scientific minds really do find a genuine boner pill for women, instead of just asking us to smear peppermint oil on our ladyparts to make ‘em all tingly and stuff.
And so my morning wore on and on, from one site to another, like a character in an absurdist internet-only show.
I finally reached a point of desperation, and began Googling “blog topics” and I found an awful lot of people out there who want to help me with my blog. Maybe, just maybe, the internet isn’t the cold and heartless place I’ve always considered it to be. Anyway, there’s lots and lots of lists out there all full of ideas for blog posts promising to propel my blog into the stratosphere of the, um, blogosphere.
For example, one list suggested I blog about “free stuff” I’m giving away (#5). Up until now, the “free stuff” I was prepared to give away included items like a chipped gravy boat missing its ladle, and a pair of jeans with an unidentifiable orange stain on the crotch. I considered this author’s suggestion: would my readers be interested in a blog post about my free stuff? And if they were, what did that say about my audience? I don’t even want to contemplate it.
Another list gave this cryptic suggestion: “Take a bath” (#31). I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Is it a not very subtle dig at blogger hygiene? Am I supposed to actually take a bath, or just write about taking a bath? In either case, should I take pictures?
A list with the intriguing title 101 Monetizable Blog Posts suggested I write a post about “How can I live forever?” (#26). Wow, I can see how that certainly would be monetizable! Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that question, so it’s a non-starter for me as a blog post. I suppose the answer has something to with vampires, or maybe cryogenics, or Scientology, none of which I include in my areas of expertise.
So, after all that, I guess you won’t be seeing a blog post from me today.