Sex The Americans Style

I’ve been watching a lot of sex on television lately, and it’s almost all doggy style.

The other day I was binge-watching, which is the the way I consume almost all of my television in the 21st century.  I’m sure when I’m older I’ll bore regale my grandchildren with tales of how once there was a time when there was absolutely no sex on television and the entire family would gather together in the living room each evening to watch shows that were only broadcast once, or at least not again until summer reruns.

Yes, I can hardly wait for the day when I’ll be sounding just like that really old guy in line behind me at the supermarket who noticed I was buying a six pack of Coke Zero and decided to share this scintillating fact from his youth: “Back then you could get a Dr. Pepper for a dime!”

Anyway, as I was saying, there’s a lot of doggy-style sex on TV.  The position is also known as “the congress of the cow” according to the Kama Sutra but I’m not recommending you use that term because no one wants to think about cows during sex.  Of course, I’m not sure anyone wants to think about dogs during sex, either, except maybe other dogs.

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Even cows don’t like to think about cows during sex. We think about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

But there I was stuck thinking about dogs and sex after having seen not one, not two, but three instances of rear entry sex while binge watching the second season of the Cold War period drama, The Americans. It all happened in episode six, “Behind the Red Door.” Apparently what’s “behind the red door” is lots and lots of coitus more ferarum. First we see married Russian spies Philip and Elizabeth spicing up their sex life with role play and “wild sex,” which seems to mean nothing more than “doggy style sex.”  Next, we see Nicaraguan super-spy Lucia bent over a desk looking up at a portrait of Ronald Reagan on the wall while congressional aid Carl gives it to her from behind.  Finally, as the episode ends, Philip stumbles upon a couple having sex out on a fire escape (I think) and they, as well, are doing it like they do it on the Discovery Channel.

As luck would have it, while I’m thinking about dogs and sex and whether or not my butt looks as good as Keri Russell’s when I’m lying face down on a bed, I came across this article over on Slate, “‘Doggy Style’ Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means.”

And the article was right!  “Doggy style” is nothing like what I thought! In fact, it’s absolutely horrible, with the poor boy-dog being stuck inside the poor girl-dog for up to an hour (an hour!) afterwards.  From the article:

Apparently, dogs doing it for the first time can get a little freaked out about the prolonged attachment, as do first-time dog breeders. If you should ever find yourself in this situation, The Encyclopedia of Dog Breeds suggests you prevent the female dog from trying to rip free from the male, because doing so can cause serious injury to the penis. Breeding websites recommend you get down on the floor and comfort the female.

I need some comforting just from reading that paragraph!

I’ve never been a fan of the position, anyway, because I need to see the man’s my husband’s face while we’re doing it, just to make sure he’s not thinking about some other woman, or dogs or cows, while he’s having sex with me.

You can see more doggy style sex, and maybe more of Keri Russell’s ass, on The Americans Wednesdays at 10pm on FX.

7 thoughts on “Sex The Americans Style

  1. One of the worst sounds I’ve ever heard was the scream from two foxes locked together in coitus uninterruptus, in my back years. I was convinced somebody was being murdered, though it didn’t help all this happened at 3am. Be very careful if anybody suggests getting a little foxy.

    • I’m not surprised about foxes, since I believe they are distantly related to dogs. And cats, too, have excruciating sex: I believe there are actually spikes on the cat penis (I know way too much about this stuff). I really wonder how do these creatures convince their partners to have sex at all, let alone wind up having so much sex that they fill up animal shelters with their litters!

  2. I’m not sure what you did here, Karen… I think this is a big plug or review for The Americans, a show I haven’t watched or really heard of. But the journey you take to getting there is compelling. By which I mean, wow. That’s the Canadian wow, by the way. We do it like moose do. It’s true. I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

    • I’m not sure what I did here, either . . . :-)
      The Americans is a really great show, though, with absolutely enthralling performances from Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys as Soviet spies living under cover as a typical American family. And I would hold that opinion even if there was no sex. But there is a lot
      of sex.

      • I’m okay with sex. And definitely okay with Keri Russell. Did you ever see August Rush? Sappy sappy movie but strangely amazing all the same. She was great in it.

  3. I’ve never thought of the doggy style in other terms of being a better “penetration technique”. In the same time, I find it sad that it prevents the partners from seeing each other.
    Lots have to be said about the why and how, and I totally understand the fact you need to see your hubby’s face although if you think well, it doesn’t really matter because seeing is not always believing.
    But who would think about dogs or cows anyway…? Also, him thinking about another girl may have a benefit: it can make it better – for both – plus it IS probably better with you than it would/will be with her anyway ;-)
    Nevermind, sex is just sex. Love is just the cherry on top of it.

    • Hmmmm. I’ve probably spent entirely too much time considering each and every sexual position :-)

      And you’re right; sex is sex and love is love and my husband should be happy that I love him, and not care that I really, really, really want to have sex with James Franco.

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