Tin Pan Anniversary

Like a railroad train bearing down on me in an episode of a silent movie serial, my wedding anniversary is fast approaching.

I’ve long struggled with what to give my husband for the day that will live in infamy our anniversary and find myself consulting those lists of traditional gifts each year.  You can find out what you’re supposed to give (or get) every year here. For those of you who don’t know how the internet works, I’ll provide the list for the first ten years of marriage:

  1. Paper
  2. Cotton
  3. Leather
  4. Fruit, flowers
  5. Wood
  6. Sugar
  7. Copper, wool
  8. Bronze
  9. Pottery, willow
  10. Tin
I knew I should have gotten him the DVD!
How am I supposed to wrap this?

Looks like last year I was supposed to give him a piece of pottery or a willow.  A willow?   Yes, a willow.  I wonder if that means the tree or the filmI guess it doesn’t matter since we both forgot our anniversary last year.  About a week later I finally remembered that I’d forgotten, but since he didn’t even remember that he forgot, I decided to save this bit of information to use against him in our next argument (“Not only did you leave the toilet seat up, but you forgot our anniversary, you bastard!”)

So this year it looks like I’m supposed to give him something made of tin.  Amazon.com suggests the “luxurious” Bentley’s Finest Tea Classic Collection Tin Gift Set (certified Kosher!), as well as tin cufflinks and a photo frame (“Cheap looking and definitely not what was expected” writes one disappointed customer).

I guess any of those ideas would be better than what one Pennsylvania couple decided to do together to commemorate their three-week (here I am, worrying about what to give for ten years of marriage while other couples celebrate their marriages as a weekly event!) anniversary.  From the NY Daily News:

They celebrated their three-week wedding anniversary and Veteran’s Day by killing a man for the thrill of it, according to police.

Elytte Barbour, 22, and his 18-year-old bride, Miranda, are charged with murder for the Nov. 11 killing of Troy LaFerrara, 42, a man who answered the woman’s Craigslist ad offering companionship in the form of “delightful conversation.”

I’ve warned you all about Craigslist before in the posts You Really Can Find Anything on CraigslistAdventures in Babymaking and Too Stupid to Live but I guess poor, doomed Troy LaFerrara was not a follower of Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please . Let his life (and death) be a lesson to you all to keep on following my blog.

As if murdering a stranger off Craigslist to celebrate your anniversary isn’t shocking enough, Mrs. Barbour is now claiming to be a mass-murdering Satanist.  Because, you know, why not?  I’m sure she has nothing better to do than think up crazy bullshit while lying around her cell waiting for trial.

As for me, I’m lying around wondering if it’s too much to hope my husband will forget about our anniversary again this year.

Royalty free stock photos including the image in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

15 thoughts on “Tin Pan Anniversary

  1. You could always buy him a large coffee can and put a great book in it from somebody you’ve blogged with (admittedly it’s not a romantic book but I think he’d be grateful…)
    It’s our 14th wedding anniversary this week. No idea what I’m meant to give so instead we’re going on a romantic trip to IKEA

    • Keep plugging your book!

      You know, the absolute nadir of our relationship occurred when we were dating and he gave me a book on golfing (I was pretending to be interested in golf because he is an avid golfer, but I was totally faking it!) for my birthday. I nearly broke up with him. So, um, giving books is absolutely verboten in our relationship.

      Congrats on reaching fourteen years and may I suggest this as a gift for your wife? I’ve heard good things about it. :)

  2. According to some silly men’s rightser the NAWALT (not all women are like that) argument could not be used by feminists in relation to Miranda Barbour. I beg to differ, ‘NAWALT’ in this instance really ought to go without saying. Btw, I suspect the satanism claims might just be an attempt to cop an insanity plea.

    As for tin, how about a couple of tin hats to be worn during your next big row? Possibly a row about the lameness of giving someone a tin hat as an anniversary gift?

    • Tin hats? Those don’t sound very comfortable.

      I think the mass murdering Satanist schtick is just because she got lonely and wanted to talk to a reporter, so why not make up some crazy shit and grab for a headline?

  3. We’ve managed to double up on heaps of dates that are supposed to be important, like, my Dad’s birthday is on (or around) Father’s Day, my Queen’s birthday same, same with Mother’s Day, my oldest boy’s birthday on April Fools Day, and we even got married on my Mother’s 50th birthday…accidentally (my Mother was not happy…still isn’t nearly 20 years later)…but it doesn’t seem to work, it ends up that a few days later we realise we’ve forgotten two important dates instead of just one. As for a tin present, how about one of those antique looking tin signs to hang in the bar, maybe quoting Benjamin Franklin “Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy”?

    • Thanks for the gift suggestion. Unfortunately, we don’t have a bar in our house (unless you count the cabinet over the microwave that stores a bottle of rum I bought years ago when I tried to make Sweet Potato Casserole with Rum and Pecans). I gather that from reading this blog you assumed I must be a big drinker, eh? It may not seem like it, but I write all these posts sober! ;)

  4. I think killing a stranger in celebration of your three-week anniversary sets the bar a bit high, don’t you? Like, how do you top that for your one-month? And I can’t even contemplate the one-year.

    The anniversary gift list intrigues me for several reasons. Mainly, it seems a little inconsistent. I mean, you go from leather in year three to a fruit basket in year four. WTH?

    • You know what’s funny (and it’s terrible that I find this tragic story funny, I know. There really is something wrong with me)–they also claimed to be celebrating Veterans’ Day, as well! So maybe it was a combination of the two events: Veterans’ Day and their three- week-iversary that made murder somehow the appropriate celebratory gesture.

      And who said anything about an entire basket of fruit for your four year anniversary? That list just says “fruit” so I think maybe all you might get is a single tangelo from your spouse.

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