Why You Don’t Want Me to Be a Guest Blogger Over on Your Blog

Ordering cheese fries: good idea

Asking me to write a guest post on your blog: bad idea.

So you’re thinking about asking me to write a guest post over on your blog.  Let me tell you all the reasons why that’s a bad idea, no matter what the WordPress editors said in “Widen Your Circle with Guest Bloggers“:

  • I’m a real pain in the ass.

First, I’m going to demand complete creative control over the blog post which means you get to edit nothing–NOTHING, you cannot change even one word!– from the post I submit to you. And I’ll probably spew some outrageous string of obscenities (and maybe include a naked selfie) just to see what you’ll let me get away with. And your 83-year-old grandmother, who’s still recovering from that stroke she suffered last spring, which you blogged about here, she’s going to read this post you let me put on your blog and it will probably kill her.

  • I write about stupid shit.
It kind of looks like a vagina, doesn't it? A great big green vagina

Let us consider the kiwi. And then let us consider the kiwi again.

Perhaps you’re new to my blog and so far you’ve seen some odd posts, like my strange fascination with Dr. Ruth Westheimer (“Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please Holiday Gift Guide 2013: Tickets to Becoming Dr. Ruth“), and converting lesbians (“How Many New Yorkers Voted for Bill DiBlasio Because He Has the Power to Convert Lesbians?“), but did you know that I also wrote about the island nation of New Zealand in “The Sex Education of Non-Fiction Young Adult Characters” and again in “U Can’t Has Kittehs in New Zealand“?

Yes, New Zealand!

Two times!

  • You’re not really sure if I’m even all that funny.

This post, “In Praise of Dating Your Dad“–was that even supposed to be funny?  And then I had the nerve to write that classicly craptacular post actually titled, “Is This Even Funny?

No, maybe I’m really not even funny.

So, on second thought, you really don’t want me to be a guest blogger over on your blog.

This post is a second in a series.  The first post, “Why You Don’t Want to Be a Guest Blogger on Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please, appeared yesterday.

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

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10 thoughts on “Why You Don’t Want Me to Be a Guest Blogger Over on Your Blog

  1. radaronelson December 3, 2013 at 6:20 am Reply

    Now see, reading this just makes me want you to guest blog for me that much more.

    • Karen December 3, 2013 at 6:31 am Reply

      Let me guess–is it the potential for a naked selfie the part that convinced you? ;)

      • radaronelson December 3, 2013 at 6:35 am Reply

        LOL it was your whole post of course.

  2. bodycrimes December 3, 2013 at 6:34 am Reply

    Damn! Disappointed once again!

  3. Gus Sanchez December 3, 2013 at 11:54 pm Reply

    You think you’ve talked yourself out of not being a guest blogger on my blog? THINK AGAIN.

    No, seriously, I may harass you into guest posting. I need more crazy on my blog; I can’t be the only one providing the weird and the insane on an almost daily basis.

    • Karen December 4, 2013 at 6:33 am Reply

      My reverse psychology is working! ;)

      Don’t let the fact that I put up two posts in two days fool you into believing I blog with any kind of regularity. There are long periods when this blog goes dark as I am overwhelmed by other obligations in my life.

      Plus, I only want to blog about the the latest shoe designs–would that work for you? ;)

  4. Elyse December 4, 2013 at 8:53 am Reply

    I think guest blogging is kind of weird. i mean, i come here to read you, not somebody else. If you refer me to someone else, I’m likely to check them out. But I often don’t click on a guest posted post.

    There are a few venues for different folks to post — Black Box Warnings, Outliers, How to … and that’s what they’re for. My fantasy is a blog devoted to all of those posts you can’t put on your own blog because they will hurt someone you care about or will get you fired. I would love to be able to bitch about the fact that for the second Thanksgiving in a row, well-loved family members announced severe and different dietary restrictions at 9 p.m. Wednesday, the night before Thanksgiving. But they read my blog …

    • Karen December 4, 2013 at 6:49 pm Reply

      Despite what the good folks over at WordPress think (I really can’t let go of that “Widen Your Circle With Guest Bloggers” article, can I?), I don’t think guest blogging is appropriate for a personal blog. I’m writing about me here. You’re writing about you there. And never the ‘twain shall meet.

      Or something like that.

      I get contacted pretty frequently by folks who write sex blogs (and they’re really filthy, filthy, FILTHY blogs!) looking to “widen their circle” but, you know, I just don’t feel that Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please is an appropriate venue for discussing nipple clamps.

      Regarding self-censorship: I dunno–whenever that voice in my head says, “Don’t write that!” I’m always thinking I should write that. That might be a really funny post you’re missing.

      • Elyse December 4, 2013 at 7:02 pm Reply

        If I would be insulting my own family members, I would write it. My family has a sense of humor about their foibles. My husband’s family doesn’t (although they do have good senses of humor in most other respects). On must keep the peace.

        I think you’re right about not accepting offers. Especially from filthy folks. Ewwwwwww.

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